Henry the Accountant
By Paul Kaplan, used by permission
- Well now Henry was an accountant
He worked with a pencil and a pad
If you had somethin’ that you needed figured out
Henry the Accountant was your man, Lord, Lord
Henry the Accountant was your man.
- Now when Henry was a little baby
Sittin’ on his daddy’s knee
He picked up a pencil and a little piece of paper
He said, Two plus one equals three.
- Well now the man who bought the first calculator
He thought he was real fine
He walked up to Henry with a sneer on his lips
Sayin, Your job is gonna be mine.
- Well now Henry stood up and drew his weapon
He said, A man isn’t nothin’ but a man
He said, We’ll have ourselves a race and I’ll put you in your place
Or I’ll die with my pencil in my hand.
- Then they each grabbed a fifty-pound ledger
And Henry went to work with all his might
And though his hand was startin’ to cramp, and his shirt was gettin’ damp
He swore he would not give up the fight.
- They were three long hours in the battle
And the man with the machine pulled out ahead
He had old Henry beat, ’til on the final sheet
Suddenly his batteries went dead.
- Now Henry he beat that calculator
And his power could not be denied
But the terrible strain had been too much for his brain
So he lay down his glasses and he died.
- Well they buried Henry in the graveyard
They buried him with his pencil and his pad
Now when their checks don’t clear
They always shed a tear
For the last human being who could add!