Henry the Accountant

By Paul Kaplan, used by permission
  1. Well now Henry was an accountant
    He worked with a pencil and a pad
    If you had somethin’ that you needed figured out
    Henry the Accountant was your man, Lord, Lord
    Henry the Accountant was your man.
  2. Now when Henry was a little baby
    Sittin’ on his daddy’s knee
    He picked up a pencil and a little piece of paper
    He said, Two plus one equals three.
  3. Well now the man who bought the first calculator
    He thought he was real fine
    He walked up to Henry with a sneer on his lips
    Sayin, Your job is gonna be mine.
  4. Well now Henry stood up and drew his weapon
    He said, A man isn’t nothin’ but a man
    He said, We’ll have ourselves a race and I’ll put you in your place
    Or I’ll die with my pencil in my hand.
  5. Then they each grabbed a fifty-pound ledger
    And Henry went to work with all his might
    And though his hand was startin’ to cramp, and his shirt was gettin’ damp
    He swore he would not give up the fight.
  6. They were three long hours in the battle
    And the man with the machine pulled out ahead
    He had old Henry beat, ’til on the final sheet
    Suddenly his batteries went dead.
  7. Now Henry he beat that calculator
    And his power could not be denied
    But the terrible strain had been too much for his brain
    So he lay down his glasses and he died.
  8. Well they buried Henry in the graveyard
    They buried him with his pencil and his pad
    Now when their checks don’t clear
    They always shed a tear
    For the last human being who could add!
Lyrics from the recording: